Quick Anger

Last weekend I took myself on a 20 mile walking date and it was lovely, but this week I have been stressed and drunk and not writing. Monday I had to deal with horrible things and I think that has been following me around. Or maybe PMS. Or maybe just the ups and downs of myself.

The sun is out and it was so hard to pull myself out of bed this morning.

I’m surprised it took me as long as it did to realize that I’m feeling the way that I am. Because I’ve been mean. I’ve been thinking mean thoughts. And I usually, honestly, don’t! Part of my feminism and my philosophy of life is kindness and understanding that people come from different places. But this week I am mean. I am just so tired of a constantly dirty kitchen and recycled conversations and meaningless figures of speech. Not that I’m any better, except that I at least stop talking when I have nothing to say.

I feel like to be nice I should read fiction and run around in the sunshine and take note of beauty and smile and shit.

I feel like to be good I should take a vow of celibacy and quit drinking. (Not that I do either so constantly, or to excess, but they take up brain space as well as physical time.)

But maybe I just want to drink espresso scowling and read some esoteric theory texts and cringe outwardly as well as inwardly whenever people use the words “epic” and “lame.” Maybe I want to write a “poem” about my “feelings.”

Fuck the sunshine, guys. I’m furious.

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About Emily Suggests

Pineapple rock, lemon platt, butter scotch. A sugarsticky girl shovelling scoopfuls of creams for a christian brother.

3 responses to “Quick Anger”

  1. Michele D'Acosta says :

    I hear you. I just came across your blog and what you’ve said has touched me deeply. Thank you for opening my eyes to your way of thinking and feeling. I look forward to spending more time reading your lines. Peace and be very blessed. Michele

  2. Emily B says :

    I may be a little biased lately, but it sounds like yoga will help 🙂

  3. amberskyef says :

    I get like that when I’m depressed, but if you have to be angry, be angry. It’s okay.

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