Talking about Feelings
I’m learning, I think. I busied myself Friday with cleaning the house in an attempt to ward off the crushing loneliness I generally experience after getting home from work earlier than Ben does. It’s rough to spend four hours alone on a Friday night when everyone else I know is working. Or rather, it used to be. This Friday I was happily successful. There was so much cleaning to do–vacuuming, laundry, dishes–that I let myself get lost in the mania of it. I made myself a ramen with leftover roasted veggies. I baked weed peanut butter Hershey kiss cookies. I was busily, contentedly alone.
Then Ben got home from a long day at work wanting to go out. He had mentioned getting together with friends at Vito’s, but I didn’t think we had set plans. I was excited to get a drink with him, but first had to wait for the laundry and cookies. I told him I was busy and suggested he go out and I meet up with him. Instead, he went to the bedroom to fume.
Ben didn’t end up doing anything Friday night. I finished up my work, went to the Quarter Lounge for a drink, then came home to fight. Damned if I’m gonna let anybody hold me back. And so I was free to destroy my cookies and cry myself to sleep on the couch.
Saturday I went to work and planned to never talk to Ben again. When he showed up looking so sad, it broke my heart, but I persevered. During my break I called my dad and my friend Barb in Ithaca. We talked about normal things, not about Ben or fights, but both asked about him and asked me to pass along a hello. That’s how the ice around my heart began to melt. I realized I didn’t want our whole relationship to end because I wasn’t ready to go out at the same time he was on a Friday night.
I bought a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting–his favorite–for him, and a double chocolate for me, then bought four more to share. I was feeling jolly and generous. I went back to work, apologized, and we made up.
That’s not all. On Sunday, we took making up a step further. We went out to dinner at Sushi Kanpai to talk about our feelings (!) and figure out how to avoid fighting in the future (!!). It was an amazing experience. We both spent a lot of time listening and explaining our sides of the story. It was great to be in a public place because we were forced to be quiet and polite. I think it allowed us to both express our feelings and get our points across. It turns out that we both had a lot of residual feelings about previous fights that we had to get out. In the end, I think we definitely understood each other and reached a good resolution for the future. Plus, we got to eat delicious sushi!
Though it’s just down our street, we had never eaten at Sushi Kanpai before. Turns out they have happy hour all day Saturday, Sunday, and Monday! Crazy, I know. We ordered steamed chicken gyoza, a spicy tuna roll with cucumber, a spicy salmon roll with avocado, and a shrimp tempura roll. (Gyoza was $4.50 and the rolls were $3.75 each!)
I wasn’t impressed by the dumplings, but the sushi was amazing! I loved the flavor and texture combinations of tuna with cucumber and salmon with avocado, but the shrimp tempura was honestly my favorite roll. I had never tried tempura sushi before because I think of fried as being unhealthy and sushi is already delicious in its healthy natural state. Now I understand. Only the shrimp was fried, not the rest of the roll, and it had a wonderful crispy texture in addition to its delicious taste.
In conclusion, if you talk about your fights after your fights, you get to eat delicious sushi and continue dating the person you love. Win-win.